Secrets under the full moon
by dorina16able
Summary: "Aw, come on, Jean, tell me what's on your mind and I'll tell you a secret!" Sasha giggles and Jean simply can't resist her. Maybe it's the moonlit ocean spread in front of them, this raw and amazing feeling of true freedom or Sasha's magnetic presence and laughter that makes him unable to refuse her this favor.


**A/N: Hello, hello, hello, my friends :) It's four in the morning here, I'm not in the slightest mood to sleep and after the depressing and dark fics I gave you here's a more fluffy one...because these two dorks deserve all the fluff and love of the world ;) 3**

 **The fic contains SPOILERS for the Battle in Shiganshina**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the Attack on Titan universe and characters**

Jean can't believe he's standing here, at the seashore, with the sand crunching under his shoes, with the salty smell of the ocean in the afternoon breeze, with his comrades looking in awe, with the sun shining in all its glory, with no walls preventing its light from bathing their faces.

When he first joined the military and had to tolerate the suicidal maniac's rambling about killing all the Titans and travelling outside the walls to see the endless water spreading in front of them, he had rolled his eyes, certain that he'd never witness it himself, too complacent and lost in his stupid dream about Wall Sina and the MPs and a safe life.

When he joined the Survey Corps and had to deal with daily battles, constant mourning of friends and comrades, coming one inch before death, struggling with emotional turmoil, he hadn't thought he'd live enough to see the day.

But it's all in the past now and, miraculously, he is _here,_ one of the few surviving members of the Scouting Regiment, without talking, overwhelmed by the feeling of freedom and pride and bittersweet happiness—because, no matter how moved he is that they've finally achieved their goal, he can't forget the high price they had to pay to end up here, the huge number of brave soldiers they lost, all in an attempt to free humanity.

Eren, of course, is the first who moves, breaking the silent daze everyone has fallen into, running towards the ocean, dragging Armin from his sleeve and with Mikasa following them, the black-haired girl looking oddly at peace for once in her life. The three of them run around in the sand, splashing each other with water, laughing like little children. Hanji starts chuckling with delight at this sight, Levi sighs, shakes his head and mutters something that sounds like 'childish brats'…but Jean can't move, he keeps his gaze locked at the horizon, at the thin line that separates sea from sky. Not even Connie's teasing "Cat got your tongue, Jean-boy?" lands him back to reality—he's utterly and completely amazed.

He's alive.

They did it.

They're truly here.

There are no walls keeping them caged from the outside world…no walls hiding the truth anymore…nothing to make him feel captive and a pawn for everyone to use like he used to feel in the past.

For the first time in a long time, Jean feels truly free.

And this feeling is so amazing, so cruelly amazing, that he can't utter a single word.

Until there's a sudden weight on his back, followed by slender arms wrapped around his shoulders, strands of dark brown hair tickling his cheeks, a chaste kiss on his cheek, a ringing giggle echoing all around and an emotion of amusement, affection and warmth being a perfect addition to the taste of feeling he's experiencing right now.

"We did it, Jean, we did it, we've reached the ocean, we're finally free, we're heroes, yahoooo, now we can do whatever we want and eat as much meat as we want and we can stay here, at the ocean, and travel wherever we want and…."

Sasha's cheerful rambling isn't interrupted by Jean's scowls, insults and yelling, like it did when they were cadets. No, this time her rambling is interrupted by Jean's laughter, loud and genuine, the sixteen-year-old boy picking her up so she's half-laying over his shoulder; a playful gesture that evokes more laughter from her, despite her fake protests and pleas to be put down immediately.

"Throw her in the water, throw her in the water!" Connie calls out, almost falling down due to his hysterical chuckles as he claps in his hands and runs behind them, heading towards the ocean, where the three friends from Shiganshina are still playing.

"That was my intention!"

"NO! No, Jean, I'm warning you, if you dare—"

Oblivious to her threats, Jean releases her from his grip the second he feels the cool water touching his shoes, soaking her from head to feet and ruffling her wet hair when she stands up, apparently fuming but with her whole face glowing due to a bright smile—it's the same bright smile that lightened his mood a year ago, when he thought she was gone and she woke up, injured and exhausted, but alive.

"I swear I will kill you, Jean Kirstein, this time your end has come!" Sasha sends a handful of water towards him, splashing him as well; and this is what makes Jean truly realize that this isn't some cruel dream, that he's really here. "Same goes for you, Springer!" she continued and Connie suffers the same fate as his buddy, getting soaked by the playful Potato Girl who has found her happy and carefree mood and doesn't remind anyone of the serious and somewhat melancholic girl she had turned into for a period of time after the battle in Shiganshina.

"Hey, why should _I_ get killed all of a sudden, huh?" Connie yells and takes his revenge by splashing his best friend some more. "Take that!"

"No, _you_ take that!" Sasha gets ready to return the favor, only to lose her balance because of the small slippery pebbles lying on the ocean ground.

"Hey, hey, careful there, clumsy." Jean teases her, catching her from the waist so she won't fall down and spending some moments holding her quietly, head buried in her hair which is shining, looking almost golden-brown in the sun, cherishing the relaxed afternoon, his friends' company and the feeling of Sasha in his arms, the way he can pepper the back of her head with soft kisses and the way she hugs him back.

This relationship between them had started some time after Sasha recovered from the last battle against Bertholdt and Reiner in Shiganshina a year ago, both of them too exhausted by the constant war ensuing, too fed up and too desperate to find something to hold onto in the mess, the nightmares and the constant questions from Historia and the other military branches about the truth behind the Titans. Jean was filled with qualms for Reiner's escape; no matter Hanji's assurance that it wasn't his fault and that he chose saving her life over keeping guard on the Armored Titan, no matter Connie's attempts to cheer him up, no matter giving explanations to the other Commanders and encouraging Floch, their newest and most shocked comrade, nothing could erase this feeling of uselessness that didn't allow him to rest.

Equally scarred, although both mentally and physically in that case, was Sasha, whose serious injuries and comatose had turned her meek, quiet, without her optimistic quotes and carefree laughter. It was as if she felt bad for getting so injured during their most crucial battle; as if she feared that everyone, including herself, considered her weak after that. Connie's tries at cheering up and assuring her that she should be damn grateful to even be alive had fallen on deaf ears as well: nothing could bring a small smile on Sasha's face. She did her duties, gave truthful testimonies at the countless trials that followed, even consoled some soldiers who had lost their friends in that mission…but she did it automatically, blankly, not in her trademark energetic and sweet way.

The way these changes brought the two of them closer was sudden, unexpected, almost as if coming straight from a dream, Sasha would sometimes think. It happened out of the blue one quiet night, about three months after the battle, after an extremely difficult day. Jean was in a bad emotional situation, for he had been forced to narrate everything about Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie, everything he knew, remembered or suspected even from the days they were cadets; he had been forced to narrate the fall of Trost, the evacuations, the terror of the freshly-graduated soldiers, Marco's death. Sasha was in a bad shape too, her still-healing ribs and bruises making her wince in pain because of her tiredness; the pain had made her burst into tears of frustration, which made Jean's tears flow freely as well…and before either of them realized what was happening, they were crying in each other's arms, fiercely hugging each other. Their kisses were desperate, angry, sad, all the confusing emotions of the two teenagers being poured into them; two broken soldiers trying to forget the horrors they lived.

It was awkward at first, certainly, both of them not knowing how to act in this new state between them, especially since they didn't get along that well in their three years of training…and especially since they had become friends when they graduated and decided to join the Recon Corps. Sasha's insecurities and Jean's qualms couldn't vanish so easily and the first several weeks were filled with anxiety, tension, tears, nervousness around each other and intense arguments between them; everything an expression of the bottled up emotions they didn't know how to express. With time, though, and with careful behavior from them, Jean became his usual determined self; he learned how to joke more often, how to be less brooding, how not to be afraid to show his emotions through affectionate gestures and words instead of using anger. And Sasha learned to smile again, her progress being slow yet steady; she learned to have faith in herself again, to tease and encourage Jean in her own way.

Now, as they continue goofing around with Connie, Jean can only be grateful that both he and Sasha managed to reach this point: to be able to laugh and have fun and forget everything that made them grow up so suddenly.

* * *

When he finds Sasha sitting on the sand that same night, near the hill where they set up their camp for their night, Jean senses that some of Sasha's troublesome thoughts have resurfaced in her mind again. Luckily, he's proven wrong at the next moment: Sasha has focused her hazel eyes on the ocean, hugging her knees and with a beautiful, calm smile softening her features. Jean is happy to see her so peaceful after all these years of suffering; she looks so content right now, like everything is perfect: the still ocean, with no waves, under the midnight blue sky. It's a full moon tonight, which only adds to this perfection Sasha feels, the radiant silver circle in the middle of the sky in all its majestic beauty, giving a silver glance on the dark waters…and now a gentle smile appears on Jean's face too, as the boy senses the mystic beauty and the calmness of the scenery surrounding him; it's odd, but it's the first time he truly realizes how much the sight of the walls suffocated him.

"Mind if I join?" he wants to know, his voice no louder than a low whisper, since he doesn't want to destroy this soothing silence.

Sasha offers him a joyful smile in return and pats the spot on the blanket next to her, quietly communicating with him as if she thinks the same, as if she thinks that loud voices will break the magic of this beach. Jean sits down and adjusts them so he sits behind her, his chest pressed against her back and his arms around her. Sasha shifts so they are more comfortable before raising her hands to rest them against his and leaning back so they are even closer, allowing his warm and strong presence to engulf her in a feeling of love and safety she hasn't felt for what seems like forever.

They don't know how much time they spend like that, silent, staring at the ocean and the moon and listening to the gentle sound the water makes when reaching the shore. And to be quite frankly, neither one cares much about time right now. Having lived in conditions of war for far too long, when every second mattered, when they weren't allowed to relax not even for a moment, now they want to delay this as much as they can, now that they have achieved their goal and reached this place which is far more intimidating and beautiful than Armin's stories could ever describe.

But when Jean's arms around Sasha tighten, like he wants to make sure that she's here, and when he starts laying loving and yet somehow desperate kisses on her hair, cheek and nape, that's when Sasha decides to break the silence, to help him open up, to make him talk to her about what's bothering him—because she can feel it that he's thought about something and that's what turned him so insecure.

"A coin for your thoughts?" she asks him quietly and she can feel his chest trembling due to silent chuckles; something she takes as a positive sign: if Jean's amused by her comment, it's easier for him to tell her what he's thinking about.

"I doubt you'd want to waste a coin on my thoughts, Sasha," he replies, his quiet words like a caress against her ear, reassuring, teasing, although Sasha doesn't give up so easily.

"Aw, come on, Jean, tell me what's on your mind and I'll tell you a secret!" Sasha giggles and now Jean simply can't resist her. Maybe it's the moonlit ocean spread in front of them, this raw and amazing feeling of true freedom or Sasha's magnetic presence and laughter that makes him unable to refuse her this favor. In fact, that's the case since a long time, even before they got together; he finds himself unable to refuse her anything, as if she compels him even with the mere sound of her voice—no matter how much he tries to block his thoughts from her, she always finds a way to make him talk openly.

"Well, I surely won't say 'no' to a secret," he teasingly tickles her sides and she leaves a string of laughter before they turn serious again. "It's just that…now I see the ocean, the moon, the open area without the walls…everything comes back, you know? Everything I lived in Trost as a child, long before I became a soldier. I remember my mother always being there for me, comforting me, making sure I was eating well, saying the right things at the right circumstances. I remember her worried about my safety whenever I went out to play with the other boys. I…I remember her sad because of my father's constant absence…he was a trader and spent more time in other districts than with us, mostly in Wall Sina…in fact, he was so absent from my life that I only have vague memories of him.

"The more I grew up the more I couldn't understand how a man can endure being far from his family so often. Mom's explanation that it was because of his job didn't cover me anymore…at some point I even thought that it was my fault."

At that point, Sasha squeezes Jean's hands as tight as she can; a way to console him, to tell him that this wasn't his fault, that he needs to stop feeling guilty about all the bad things that happen in this world. Jean knows that now, but he can't help it; his narration brings the childhood fears back in his mind, the questions about why his father wasn't with him, the jealousy he felt whenever he heard other kids talking about their fathers. Sasha's comfort is a balm, though, helping him focus and he goes on after he pecks her cheek as a way to thank her for not leaving him.

"I hated Trost. The same people, the same shops, the same walls. I dreamt of Stohess, of Wall Sina, of the wealthy life the Military Police held. Who knows, maybe I thought, in my childish stupidity, that my dad would come back to us if I became a successful MP member…that he'd be proud of his son, that he'd have no more reasons to leave us. But when the Colossal Titan breached the gate of Wall Rose and everyone left…I learned afterwards that my father wasn't with my mother, that he wasn't in the area…that the last time they had seen him he was talking about travelling to Utopia District for some really important business deal.

I was so enraged back then. Our hometown had fallen, my mother had to leave the place and the house she had known for her entire life, I was struggling for survival...and my father didn't even bother to contact us to see if we were safe. And after Marco…" Jean leaves a broken sigh because it's still painful, talking about his deceased friend who had such an impact on him, "after Marco I felt that anger only becoming stronger."

"And that's why you decided that the MPs weren't worth it…that you would join the Scouts no matter the dangers you would face."

"Exactly! I made a promise to myself back then: even if I died, even if I didn't make it 'till the end, I'd stick to my decision. I wouldn't complain, I wouldn't give up the fight…I'd battle 'till my last breath if necessary."

Jean takes a deep breath when he finishes…it's like a burden has been lifted from his shoulders and now he's anxiously waiting for Sasha to say something. Her answer, though, isn't what he expects; it seems that this girl is so unpredictable in her reactions that every day with her is a surprise…and this is one of the many reasons he feels lucky for taking their friendship a step further.

"Jean…I don't know if you _look_ like a horse like Eren says…but you certainly have the stubborn and fighting heart of a stallion!"

The young soldier is taken aback by her comment...and at the same time his chest fills with contentment and emotion, he wants to cry and laugh at the same time because he can't believe how Sasha isn't thinking about him as a crybaby. Instead of crying and laughing, he settles for turning her head towards him and giving her the tenderest kiss he can muster, lingering and soft and speaking volumes of his feelings for her. It's strangely atoning, this kiss with the ocean at the background, like they're sealing the freedom they have, like a promise that now it's like a new beginning for the both of them.

"You owe me a secret," Jean whispers when they pull back and briefly press their foreheads together; Sasha laughs and moves in his hug. Now she's sprawled on his lap, head laying on his shoulder, but her eyes are once again fixed on the ocean and the bright full moon.

"I hated the walls. Ever since I was a little girl in Dauper, I hated imagining what the walls would be like. I loved the forest, the freedom it gave me, hunting and running all around. I never wanted to leave, I resisted hard when people started leaving to cultivate the lands. But when my father called me an egoistical scaredy cat, I decided to join the military, to go to the Military Police, to prove my father wrong." She chuckles at that last sentence because it's like a bittersweet similarity between her and Jean; in the end, both of them ended up here because their fathers had some role in it.

"When I joined the military and saw the walls for the first time, I hated them even more. It was like they were suffocating me, not allowing me to breathe, to feel free, to see the horizon. And when I realized that joining the Scouts and fighting with them was humanity's only hope, I made a vow as well, Jean. That I'd do my best to come out of this alive. To do everything in my power to free people from the threat of the Titans, to reach the ocean like Armin and Eren dreamt…to see the sunrise without the walls blocking my sight…God, Jean, if only you knew how many times I've dreamt about this sunrise."

"That's why you're awake now, right? You want to fulfill your dream…to watch the sunrise as a free soldier." Jean concludes and embraces her more, leaning his head against hers. "It's okay, Sasha. You're here. We're both here and we'll stay awake 'till the sun rises, okay?"

Hours later, when the first ray of sunlight can be seen and the sky is painted in beautiful colors, Sasha leaves a yell of ecstatic happiness, stands on her feet and starts jumping up and down while clapping in her hands. Jean shakes his head with amusement, but doesn't say anything, enjoying seeing her so happy, proud that her dream has come true and overwhelmed by the sight of the sun rising on the sky, signaling the beginning of a new day for all of them.

* * *

 **A/N: Okayyy, guys, that was it for now, hope you liked it! As always, if you have any requests, please feel free to tell me ;) :)  
**


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